Though I haven’t written too much about it in detail here, the past two months have been extremely challenging. There have been concerns with family as well as a personal upheaval unlike which I’d experienced in years. There were moments of peace and lightness interwoven with this, but overall, I was working deeply with the shadows. It is something that I shared in depth with few people, because it was also a time, I sensed, of internal solitude.
On Friday I was in a meeting, and I suddenly felt like both laughing and crying hysterically. I would later describe this moment as dying and being born simultaneously. I eventually went to the bathroom, where I did laugh hysterically for a lengthy time, and then I got it: Nothing, absolutely nothing I’d been stressing about really mattered. And none of my challenges were too big for God to heal. And just like that, another moment of intense surrender washed over me, and I let go of it all.
I feel like lifetimes of pain have been lifted from me. My body feels lighter, my skin looks brighter, my eyes are shining again. The experience since that moment has been something new, deeper and more authentic than anything I’ve ever felt before. It is a return home for me after a long journey. It is a time of refreshment and renewal. Today, I have set aside my shadow brushes, and am choosing to draw, to create, with Light.